Protect Insurance Companies

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

WASHINGTON–In the continuing controversy surrounding the president's U.S. citizenship, a new fringe group informally known as "Afterbirthers" demanded Monday the authentication of Barack Obama's placenta from his time inside his mother's womb. "All we are asking is that the president produce a sample of his fetal membranes and vessels—preferably along with a photo of the crowning and delivery—and this will all be over," said former presidential candidate and Afterbirthers spokesman Alan Keyes, later adding that his organization would be willing to settle for a half-liter of maternal cord plasma. "To this day, the American people have not seen a cervical mucus plug, let alone one that has been signed and notarized by a state-certified Hawaiian health official. If the president was indeed born in the manner in which he claims, then where is his gestation sac?" Keyes said that if Obama did not soon produce at least a bloody bedsheet from his conception, Afterbirthers would push forward with efforts to exhume the president's deceased mother and inspect the corpse's pelvic bone and birth canal.

New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

So much for transparency. President Obama is fighting against FOIA requests for visitor logs for the White House citing the exact same arguments as Darth Cheney. Obama has decided that the 700 year old right to habeus corpus is outdated (why not just call it "quaint" and square that circle?) and he can throw people in jail forever without proving cause. But you really want your mind blown? An actual reason for not releasing Cheney's FBI interview is --and seriously, I can barely type this because it is so ridiculous as to sound invented-- because satirists might use it to make fun of the former Vice President:

Justice Department lawyers told the judge that future presidents and vice presidents may not cooperate with criminal investigations if they know what they say could become available to their political opponents and late-night comics who would ridicule them.

"If we become a fact-finder for political enemies, they aren't going to cooperate," Justice Department attorney Jeffrey Smith said during a 90-minute hearing. "I don't want a future vice president to say, `I'm not going to cooperate with you because I don't want to be fodder for 'The Daily Show.'" AP

I'm sorry, Mr. Obama, but that's complete and utter bullshit and you know it. Grow a pair, buddy, and back up the rhetoric that got you elected.

Cops

What an old fashioned idea: the beat cop. A cop that walks around your neighborhood, knows your name and the names of your kids and is more worried about keeping you safe than trying to find an excuse to search your car.

Speaking The Truth

Why is it that only a satirical news program on a cable comedy network has the balls to show these people repeating their lies (or contradicting themselves within hours as McCain did earlier this week)?

OUTRAGE!!! (not really)

STEPHEN COLBERT: One of the things I love about my character is I can make vast declarations and it doesn't matter if I'm wrong. I love being wrong. So my character can tell you exactly what's going to happen: The Democrats are going to change everything. We're going to have gay parents marrying their own gay babies. Obama's gonna be sworn in on a gay baby. The oath is gonna end ''So help me, gay baby.''
STEWART: Then they'll head right over to the abortion mixer. There'll be a dance, and then there'll be a little tent set up outside, just in case anybody wants an RU-486.